I am trying to hang on. Really, I am. I have not been sleeping regularly for a few weeks now and my psychiatrist just increased my anti-psychotic medication. I feel insanity is just a blink away. I don’t want to go to the mental institution. I never do. Every time I go, I get head lice. And I am afraid. Very afraid. I usually go to Sierra Vista Hospital on Bruceville Road in Sacramento County (I like their food). One time several years ago, I was quite psychotic and called them up before my mom forced me to go to the hospital and asked what they were having for dinner. I exclaimed on the phone how I loved their mashed potatoes. When I was finally dragged to Sierra Vista Hospital, the nurs

Desperately seeking happiness Don’t you wish you could just take a really good picture, put it on your driver’s license, and that is how you see yourself? All the time. Isn’t that what self-esteem is all about? Feeling confident and secure? Getting through that job interview may be easier or calling that new crush. When God made you he wanted you to be happy with yourself . I wonder if His feelings get hurt with all this plastic surgery that happens in the United States. In other countries people are not so obsessed with looks, but happiness seems to be more prevalent, like in Bhutan in the Himalayans, where happiness is in the constitution. Seeking Joy is part of their society. The Dala

I cried today. Happy tears, not sad. I guess that is what happens when your dreams are coming true. When YOU make your dreams happen. I taught my first seminar today on mental health. I have a phobia of speaking in front of others, but I was determined to overcome this, and today I did. I stumbled a little bit with my words in the beginning, but once I started talking, it was hard to stop. Educating others on mental health has always been my dream. I originally wanted to become a professor, but my own mental illness interfered with school. The stress of college became too much, and I had to drop out of the masters program at Sacramento State twice due to the psychosis I experience with

Two weeks ago I received a call from the county informing me that my psychiatric clinic, Northgate Point, will be closing, and I will receive a letter stating where I will be able to get continuing services. On July 21, as reported in The Sacramento Bee , Federal U.S. District Judge John A. Mendez said that shutting down the county’s community outpatient programs would cause “catastrophic harm” and violates the Americans with Disabilities Act. The next day I received another call from the county informing me that as of right now I need to continue my mental health services at my clinic Northgate Point. I am confused. My previous psychiatrist left and I was told that due to budget cuts my

So, it is after 1 in the morning and I haven't slept in the last three days. Not good for someone with bipolar disorder. I am scared I might have a psychotic break and end up in the hospital. After all, with all the budget cuts and my psychiatrist leaving my clinic, I am deeply saddened. I really liked my doctor and it is so hard to find a doctor who you trust and is easy to talk to.   I just moved into my own little apartment, and I am making friends with all my neighbors. My next-door neighbor even brought me a stuffed animal and shared his Father’s Day cake with me. I worry that I am going to have an episode and act strangely, and my neighbors may not understand. In addition, I could