Saturday, May 18, 2013
Good to see Aslan in the house. We need some spiritual responsibility.
Looks like we've got the father/wife with us, sounding much like an email I received last night from Dad, stating none of the females in the family can see my granddaughter. I guess the stepmother of 3 hasn't heard of maternal deprivation. It has been proven to cause long term damage to children. Wonder what she'd do if someday he did the same and took hers? As I recall, he/she mentions growing up with divorced parents? Is this DISCRIMINATION AGAINST SINGLE MOTHERS? If so, you're going to insult many hardworking mothers who parent with dedication due to dead beat dads. There were many months the father did not pay and I had to help her keep her housing. In addition, he refused to pay for child care, a direct violation of the court order, but she never acted on it, and I paid for that too. Wouldn't you be concerned if your child had no where to live while you're having more? For the record, my daughter had a father figure throughout her life, which is what is most important, her grandfather, and a step-father. What we're really talking about are dads who walk away & don't want to pay. Hey, maybe a new syndrome? Look out for lots more of these!!!!
I'm sorry, but your words sound strangely familiar from a letter I received from the father. In my experience, therapists don't tell you your parent was 'wrong,' in fact there is an expression that 'we do the best we can can at the time.' Apparently your mother did just that. Nobody gets it right, and neither will your sister, or any other parent. We all have baggage, it's those that face theirs instead of using a child to retaliate, that really heal. Children are used EVERY DAY in Family and Juvenile Court as pawns for angry parents. It's been going on since divorce became a legal institution. Did you know that in the 50's, a woman could not even get a divorce unless she had proof she was abused? It seems we may be going back to those days for children. Mothers are guilty until proven innocent.
Let's see, one father with five children from three wives; one mother, married once, one child, now with none. Who could give this child the attention she deserves? Keep in mind the father did not prevail until just recently, as he states above, so the court did get it right before, and did not consider this option. The attorney for the mother was not present when the child was removed, and the new judge would not give his assistant a 6 day continuance, and did not have any information about the case in which to proceed. Does that make it more understandable? It's all up to a judge, and they vary just as we Social Workers do in getting it right. It's really a crapshoot for both parties; judges have biases just like everybody else.
I know the Mom too, she's my daughter, and she couldn't have been happier to be divorced. Her friends gave her a 'freedom party' which doesn't fit in with a jealous ex, so perhaps your facts are incorrect. In fact, it was the 3rd wife that told wife 2 that he had never gotten over her, and which is why the new wife will not allow him to be alone in a room with the mother of his child. I think we have some projection here. The mother used to meet with the new girlfriend/ then wife and listen to her troubles with her ex. Is this a jealous woman, or one who sympathized with another? If the father was so distraught, why didn't he send a Christmas card or birthday present in 2 years? My husband was distraught when he had custody battles, but he didn't stop communicating with his child by mail, phone, because it wasn't about him, it was about keeping a connection. He wouldn't have punished a 6 year old with promises of birthday presents, then never send them because he was angry at the mom. The mother NEVER abaondoned her child. Perhaps the father should have taken a couple months to process his divorce before entering in to a new relationship. A child was on the way before the divorce was final. This was very confusing for my granddaughter, who didn't understand her dad having another baby when he was still married, and kids always hope their parents will reunite. Try putting a positive spin on that one. No, the mother did not look for another replacement, she processed it alone, and did not jump into any relationship for the sake of her child. She devoted herself as a mother, not starting a new family. Funny how you seem to be so well versed in my family if you 'work' with the father. I don't know any of the father's friends. Perhaps you should be honest about who you are, as I have been. Honesty is where it begins.
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