Q. My wife and I became registered domestic partners in 2005. When the California court made same-sex marriage legal in 2008, we got married, too. We are now getting a divorce. Do we need to file two different divorces or can we do it all in one case? Do we even need to officially get divorced since Prop 8 did away with same-sex marriage? A. First of all, you do need to officially get a divorce to end your same-sex marriage. Same-sex marriage became legal in California in June, 2008, after the California Supreme Court ruled that restricting marriage to heterosexual relationships was unconstitutional. (In re Marriage Cases (2008) 43 Cal.4th 757). In November, 2008, the voters passed Propo

On Sunday, Dec. 2 at 2 p.m., Lucille Lang Day will read from her new book, “Married at Fourteen: A True Story,” (Heyday 2012) at The Avid Reader, Sacramento. Poet, author, recipient of several awards, including the Joseph Henry Jackson Award for her first book of poetry, Lang Day also holds degrees in English, creative writing, zoology and science and mathematics education. Her work has been widely published, most recently in “Tule Review,” a publication of the Sacramento Poetry Center. Joining her will be Sacramento poet and artist, Susan Kelly-DeWitt. * * * “Married at Fourteen: A True Story” by Lucille Lang Day Heyday ISBN 978-1-59714-198-7 2012, 333 pp., $16.95 Local interest, memoir

This may seem like an odd pair of movies to write about together but, aside from opening in the same week, they do seem to have something in common. Both seem to want to be something while also trying to be something else, for marketing purposes, and both suffer somewhat along the way as a result. The more blatant of the two is “The Bourne Legacy” which isn’t a movie about the character Jason Bourne, but at times seems like it desperately wants to be. Without Bourne, the franchise needs a new hero but a new character has no brand equity – hence the title and the setup. We’re re-joining the action roughly where we left it, with Bourne on the run (and completely absent) but with Pamela Land

'50 Shades of Grey ' If you have read the trilogy you have feelings about them. The good, the bad. The possibly pornographic nature of the content. Let me say that I read the trilogy. The books were unlike anything I had ever read, but as a (relationship) writer and an avid book reader, I felt the need to figure out what they were all about. I was not prepared for what I read, but I, like half the women on earth, was gripped by the story. I must have read all three books in less than four days. Although controversial in nature and seemingly improbable in theory, I believe this to be the reason women have been falling over themselves about the possibility of a movie being made out of the

Q: I know that my boyfriend wants to get married and I think he wants to propose soon, but I have talked with my dad and he said that if my boyfriend asks, he won't give his blessing. It really hurts to know my dad doesn't approve of him, but I love my boyfriend so much. He is exactly the kind of man I have always wanted to marry. I love my dad, but I don't want him to dictate how the rest of my life turns out. I don't know how to make peace with my dad but still marry the man I love. A: That is a really hard situation to be in. I can understand how hurt you must be that your father does not accept the feelings you have for your boyfriend or the decisions you have made. Having a parent's

“Real Relationships.” It’s back. I took a short hiatus because life has been hectic for me. As you may have guessed, this isn't a full-time job for me; actually it isn't a job at all, more like a labor of love. I took a few months off because I didn't have time to manage everything I have going in my life, and this was the easiest thing to toss away. I realized that I can make a very obvious, if not lame, comparison to relationships here. Sometimes we get busy. If you are like me, it is more like occasionally you are not busy, but most of the time you are. It pained me, as I was thinking about how much I missed this little weekly installment, that I was so cavalier with it. Why didn't I t

Pets. Loveable. Frustrating. All-consuming? I seen this more often than I would like. Person A has dog (or cat or bird or whatever). Person A finds themselves in a committed relationship with Person B. Person B does not like animals. Person A is torn. They love their Ruffy, but they also kind of dig Person B. What to do, what to do. Why should you have to choose? If you are an animal lover and you had your best friend before you got in this semi-serious relationship, the incoming significant other needs to understand that your pet is your companion. If they are an animal hater, that is likely to cause some serious dissention in your relationship. I would hate to see relationships fai

There are a number of lame decisions that you have to make about your life when you break up with (or divorce) your significant other. One of the worst decisions to be made is how you deal with mutual friendships. Most couples have other "couple friends" or mutual single friends that are part of a group. Well, how awkward is it (particularly if the break-up was messy) to continue to hang out with your mutual friends if your ex is there as well. I suppose it is only awkward if you make it awkward, but consider how your friends must feel. Where does their allegiance lie? Are they trying to figure out how to split their time between the two of you separately, but equal? When they host a part

Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a long time and we got engaged on Valentine’s Day. I saw text messages on her phone I didn’t like and asked her about it. Now she says I am jealous and broke off the engagement, but she won’t give me the ring back, even though I asked her a bunch of times. How can I make her give me the ring back since she is the one who broke my heart? Dwayne A. Sorry to hear about your situation, break ups can be hard on everyone. Believe me you are not the first person with this issue. In fact, California has enacted a law that covers this topic. The California Civil Code § 1590 states: Where either party to a contemplated marriage in this State makes a gift of m

Romantic relationships are hard. Whether you are in a brand new dating relationship, a lifelong marriage or some kind of awkward in-between stage, there is no easy relationship. If it is easy every day, you may not be doing it right. Real relationships take focus, dedication and time. There are so many contributing factors to the health of your personal relationships, such as work, family, finances, personalities, history, and the list goes on and on. However, looking these challenges in the face while you succeed at your relationship is rich satisfaction. You came, you saw, you conquered. Dating is rough. Can't say I have done it in a long time, but I am very close to those who are. I t

It is a big decision. Moving in together, making meals together, paying bills together. Moving in with your significant other might be the best decision you have ever made... or it might break you up. The single most difficult decision to make when moving in together? How do we split the bills? Rent, phone bill, cable, groceries and on and on and on. You need new furniture, appliances and a bigger bed. The expenses add up, which is tension enough, but you need a solid plan (before you make this decision) about your finances. There are a few methods to consider: 1. Combine your funds in one account and pay from there. Let me be the first to say that I do not recommend this option unless

Marriage rights activists will deliver a petition asking Mayor Kevin Johnson to join other mayors in support of same-sex marriage Tuesday morning at City Hall in a move they said they hope will cause him to consider endorsing Mayors for the Freedom to Marry. “We’re not trying to force anybody’s hand or be aggressive in any way,” said Neil Pople, communications director for the Stonewall Democratic Club of Greater Sacramento and author of the petition. It has more than 300 signatures and is posted here. “We want to positively encourage the mayor and let him know that there are people who want this to happen.” Last week’s ruling by the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals against Proposition 8 –

Q: My husband and I recently had a baby (five months ago), and now I am looking to go back to work full time. I have looked in to the cost of care for our son, but the prices are outrageous. Meanwhile, my mother-in-law has offered to care for our son every day that I am working. While this seems like a perfect and inexpensive solution, I am not wild about how my mother-in-law handles my son. My husband and I have a very particular way we handle our son, and my mother-in-law doesn't always follow our directions when she watches him. I am afraid that without consistency he will be confused as he grows older about what is and is not right, what he can get away with, and he will waiver from t

Q: I am getting married in six months. I asked my three best friends and my sister to be in my wedding. Fortunately, I could make my sister my maid of honor so that I didn't have to deal with friend drama and jealousy. Unfortunately, I am still dealing with drama with my friends. One in particular has not been the ideal bridesmaid. She is extremely opinionated about everything I choose for my wedding, particularly the dresses, and, frankly, it is more of a headache to deal with her than I am interested in. She has been my friend forever, but I am two minutes away from telling her she can just come as a guest. What do I do? A: There is really only one course of action here. She can put up

Q: Let me preface this by saying I am not a catty or jealous girl. However, my husband has begun hanging out semi-regularly with a few of his female co-workers that have been his friends for several years (some before I was in the picture), and it makes me a little uncomfortable. First of all, he never invites me, which is odd, and secondly they are flirty and suggestive when they are around him, and I don't like it. Although some of them are single, a few are married, and I wonder how it makes their husbands feel! How do I let him know the situation makes me uncomfortable without seeming like I am just attacking his female friends? A: First of all, let me just say that this situation s

Q: I know everyone has this problem, but it doesn't seem like anyone has an answer: in-laws. My wife's parents are terrific people, but they always want to do things with us, invite us places, have dinners, come to our house, have us to their house and on and on and on. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. It is hard to say no because I feel like they are disappointed when we don't do things with them, plus it seems like my wife likes to be with them that often. How do I breech the topic of not seeing her parents so often? A: Mayday, mayday! Abort mission! Just kidding.Seriously though, this is going to be a sensitive topic if you are reading the situation correctly and your wife does

Q: My husband and I have been married for a little over two years. I have really enjoyed the time together, but now I am ready to have a baby. I have always wanted to be a mother and can't wait to hold my own little one in my arms. All of my friends are either pregnant or just had a baby. My husband isn't on the same page as me. He isn't ready and thinks we should still wait another year or two. How can I bring him around to my way of thinking? A: Having a baby is not the kind of decision you want to make alone. You and your husband need to be in 100 percent agreement before you even start trying to have a baby. There are a hundred things to consider, not the least of which are your jobs

Q: I am a single mother with a 5-year-old daughter. Her father has not been a part of our lives for many years. I have been on several dates, but it is hard to get past the first date when I feel the need to drop the "I have a kid" bomb on them before anything serious develops. It seems like there is no guy on earth who is willing to take on that kind of baggage, regardless of how well we hit it off. I am pretty frustrated, but at the same time I don't feel like keeping that from guys until later in the dating process is the right decision either. How do I get to the next step in dating without selling out my first priority, my daughter, in the process? A: You are absolutely right: Keep

Q: I have been married for 4 1/2 years. I love my husband very much. I wouldn't say we disagree on much except one very important topic: what I want to do with my life. I am just about to graduate from college with a degree in English and a minor in Journalism. When I started nearly six years ago, I thought I wanted to be a teacher or writer, but since then I have realized that my true passion is working with abused women. I volunteered at a shelter a year or so ago and realized that I could spend the rest of my life doing that. However, there is very little money to be made in it and we need a double income in our family to survive. My husband, although normally supportive, would really

Q: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years. We have talked about getting married someday, but we both want to finish school first, which is a few years off. The first few years of our relationship were really great, simple and fun-loving, but it seems as life gets more complicated and demanding (or as we grow up) that things have become more strained between us. He has a pretty short temper and gets upset at me sometimes (for some pretty stupid things, in my opinion). He has never hit me or anything, but the things he says to me are hurtful. I want to get us help, but I don't even know how to bring the subject up. I am afraid if I suggest that he get help for his temper