Homelessness

Experiences in Homelessness Part 4: Transition to Independant Living

2011-03-09T04:06:10Z

I was moved into yet a third house, and ironically, the issue was identical to that of the previous house situation, only different faces. After a few months of living in this second house, a random 'emergency house meeting' was called one day. All of us residents were called into the living room by two case/house managers and the program director. I sat, totally oblivious; confident that it had nothing to do with me, as I was the only compliant resident among the group.

When the program director asked us what issue had caused this emergency meeting, one of the clients, out of the blue, falsely accused me of several things I did not do, including having a crank pipe in my room. I was totally floored, but did well to remain calm and silent. When the program director asked me if this were true, I very simply stated, "no". Then the rest of the residents all confirmed the accuser's false accusations, calling me a liar.

I remained silent, and my case manager directed me to pack up my belongings. We went outside and I spoke very candidly to him of how I was innocent, they were lying, and expressed not only my willingness, but insistence on taking a drug test, as most of their false accusations were that I used drugs.

The irony to all of this was they were the ones openly using drugs in the house, and I got tired of trying to get staff to do their job enforcing this supposed 'no drug and/or alcohol' policy when I lived at the previous house. Because of this, I chose say nothing more to staff of any drug and alcohol issues, as it did no good anyhow. And again I was moved to a third house.

So, is this what people mean when they talk about the impossible maze that the homeless are forced to navigate through, should they decide to access these so-called 'homeless services' to get themselves off the street? I believe a book could be written on the impossible maze of navigating through the homeless service providers.

I had tried to navigate through similar such services before this particular incident, and it is nonsensical. Honestly, I don’t know how or why it worked this time, other than my abstinece from drugs and alcohol.

Something that may be of interest to readers as well is that peoples' tax dollars are going to fund programs such as these, and this is what their tax dollars are producing. Are taxpayers getting cheated out of their money, if it is funding programs that are run like this? Perhaps some of the blame may be placed among our local elected officials whose responsibility it is to deal with these complexities surrounding the various homelessness issues and seek solutions to them.

In conclusion, I am no longer homeless, and have been home-free for some ten years now. I have been clean and sober over nine years and love it. My hope is to continue my sober journey to my death. It is the best high I have yet to experience.

Just under five years ago, I serendipitously landed a job working for a homeless service provider organization in Sacramento. I consider myself, though not formally educated in social services, to have the street education equivalent to a PHD in the field, as there doesn’t seem to be many formerly homeless working in it. It would be nice if there were more. I struggle to make ends meet everyday and there isn’t a lot of money in this field, but I love the work so Im sure I'll continue despite the pay.

The programs that serve homeless have a lot of good people working for them, and maybe a lot of not so good people as well. Such is life.

I believe in the work I do. I believe that just caring enough about a homeless person to hear their story can make all the difference, and I live for that today. I know if there is hope for me, there is hope for any homeless person, despite any unjust opposition from society that the homeless may face.

Im not trying to persuade people who have lost hope in the homeless to believe otherwise. Nor am I trying to convert people who would rather the homeless situation were swept under the rug, or demand that people care. I care. There is no point in trying to change a person's mind. I am telling my story so that maybe someone can get some insight into the life of homelessness, and from it hopefully aid in finding better ways to address the homeless issues we face.

Experiences in Homelessness Part 3: Navigating Homeless Housing Services

2011-03-09T03:12:40Z

Continued from Part 2

Life in the transitional living program was not what I had expected it to be. I lived in this transitional housing program for two years before finally being able to generate enough income to rent my own apartment. During my two years living there, I saw that the staff did nothing to address the issues of its clients' continual drug and alcohol misuse, and general neglect to follow rules. I was virtually the only person using the program for its intended purpose.

I was removed from the first house to another because the clients there were so uncomfortable living with me, being a drug and alcohol free person half their age, with knowledge of their typical day to day activities including regular drug and alcohol misuse and overall neglect of personal and household responsibilities. They were expecting me to do as they did, which was get drunk and high and watch TV all day. I could not participate with them because I would have been subject to violating my probation and sent to jail.

Instead of doing what the others did, I occupied myself with landscaping the front and back yard, cleaning the scum that had built up on the kitchen floor over the years, checking in with my probation officer weekly whether they requested to see me or not, consistently meeting probation requirements, including getting court slips signed, etc, along with the daily responsibilities of being a resident.

I also had time to expunge my long criminal record of seemingly endless trespassing, loitering, vagrancy, panhandling and 'illegal camping' charges I had accumulated over the years. I did all these things mainly to occupy my time to keep me from violating my probation and re-entering the jail system. If it were not for that motivator, I may have just kicked it on the couch smoking pot, watching TV and arguing with rest of them.

As the other clients saw it though, I was seemingly not like them, and they collectively persuaded the staff to move me to a different house. The staff agreed that it would be best to move me, but the staff's reasoning was not because I wasn't complying with their rules. It was because they had not experienced having a compliant resident, and therefore had no idea what to do in this situation.

All they knew was that it was obviously causing them problems to have one compliant resident living in their transition house with nine others who were non-compliant. It was easier for the program staff to house a full clientel of non-compliant residents. The program staff could then allow the clients do whatever. Anytime the staff were questioned, they would respond that all is in compliance, and that would be the end of it.

The clients got what they wanted; a place to do whatever without being told otherwise, and the staff got what they wanted, space to not be bothered with anything that had to do with them actually working or doing their job.

It was obvious they did not see me or anyone like me coming. I was actually putting this homeless service provider staff to work, as most of the staff seemed to be used to doing nothing other than waiting for their next paycheck to arrive. (Interestingly enough, during a mandatory house meeting one week, a staff person facilitating one of the meetings told us residents of how the organization was misappropriating huge amounts of money, and lining their pockets with it. This would not surprise me.)

Continue to Part 4

Experiences in Homelessness Part 1

2011-03-07T21:48:30Z

I am not a journalist. I have no college degree in journalism, social services or any other field. I am a formerly homeless person with a real/authentic homeless experience. I also have the real experience of somehow getting off the streets and slowly finding my way to what society calls 'home'. Here is a beginning to my story:

When I turned 18, my family disowned me because I smoked pot. I came (to my father's)home from work and found the locks had been changed and noone would answer the door. All the windows and doors were tightly locked. The message was clear. I stayed with friends for about 9 months, and applied for a community college in Eugene OR. When I was accepted, I sold my car and moved there with two 'friends'. Shortly into my first term, the landlord suposedly found out there were 3 of us living in a 1-bedroom apartment and demanded one of us leave immediatley. My 'friends' nominated me the evictee and told me to leave.

I moved in with some students I just met, who were nice enough to take me in, but I felt like a charity case and knew it was temporary. I was getting no help from anyone, family or friends. I was alone. After the 2nd semester my student loan abruptly terminated. Somehow I didnt recieve a letter in the mail that was required to be filled out in order for my loan to continue. I was only working 10-15 hours a week, and was using part of the loan to pay for rent.

With no way to pay the cost of living, and no desire to burden the kind people who allowed me to stay with them, I packed my backpack with what Ithought I would need to survive, including a sleeping bag, and slipped out the back that night. With very few options in sight, I hitchhiked to a rainbow gathering in Mt. Shasta. From there I hitched to S.F. to meet the Grateful Dead at the Warfield who were to be playing within the next couple months.

I stayed on Upper Haight where I saw a lot of people my age seemingly in the same situation as me. I was 19 soon to be 20. I slept in the Buena Vista Park mostly. Sometimes I would stay in the Golden Gate Park. I wasnt a hippy, but I had been introduced to 'the Dead' while living in Eugene, shortly before entering the streets, and took hope and comfort in that I may be able to become part of the 'Deadhead' culture. I was already so discouraged by the cards I'd been dealt though, that I was suffering from depression and could not grasp the idea of being social as a young homeless 'man'. So I often kept to myself.

After about 3-4 months in S.F., I got a ride with some strangers to Chattanooga TN to get on the Phish tour. I wasnt having luck getting on the 'Dead' tour, so I would try my luck with Phish instead. Arriving in Chattanooga, I knew noone, and felt very lost and alone. That night, I searched until I found what seemed a safe place to sleep. I slept terribly, and awoke to someone who owned the property I occupied. She took me to a place she thought would be a safe place for me to stay.

Unfortunatley, where she took me was most unsafe. It was a house that a family lived. A mother and her 2 sons, both sons between the ages of 35-45. I was very far from home, no family or friends to speak of, and I did not know what to do. I decided to stay there long enough to get some money saved up and a plan as to what to do next. The family had agreed to let me stay. Within a month, the situation had developed into a very oppressive and abusive situation of which I saw no escape. I was sexually assualted by the older brother on numerous occasions, and threatened with violence and death if I did not comply,submit, etc... I was heavily drugged to keep me in captivation. After 9 months I was 'released' and sent on a bus to my father's.

I had no desire to see my father, and was too ashamed and confused to tell anyone what had happenned to me in TN. I couldnt believe it myself. That people prey on young homeless people to oppress and abuse them is still hard for me to believe. It does make sense though, because who would believe a homeless person, or even care for their welfare? Homeless are a perfect target for predators, because the homeless have no voice, and not many care what happens to them.

This type of experience being homeless became somewhat common for me throughout the next 5-7 years. Being treated like garbage by many people, having no voice, being exploited by people with predatorial tendencies, moving from city to city in search of hope, sleeping in parks and being chased out and ticketed by police for tresspassing. It was so strange, being exploited by predators, and within a same 24 hour period, being ticketed by police for trespassing. And as a kid I always saw the police as being there to protect, etc...What a lesson learned.

Even though it is important not to portray homeless as victims, its just as important to see that many homeless are victims, and their cries are real. But society, and even many homeless people themselves, believe that the homeless arent victims. I am compelled to disagree. Society has preached this philosophy so much to the homeless that the homeless are desensitiesed to the idea that they may be victims. I didnt know I had been targeted, exploited, and victimized by predators who prey on homeless and other minorities until several years later, when I got off the streets and started to recieve mental health services. I am offended when people who have never been homeless try to accuse homeless people of falsly portraying themselves as victims as an attempt to recieve media attention. There are real victims that are homeless who have suffered much worse than I, who are in need of real help.

Continue to part 2 here

Experiences in Homelessness Part 2

2011-03-07T21:48:20Z

In continuation of Part 1 (read here)

So, arriving back at my father's, I couldnt stand the sight of it, or him, as these were reminders of how I ended up becoming victim to such experiences. My father, nor my mother, had any interest in helping me, and so I was set back out to the streets.

I lived homeless in several different cities along the west coast. I used drugs and alcohol to cope with my grievances. I believe that if it were not for my relationship with drugs and alcohol during my life on the streets, I would have quite likely committed suicide. Yet I also would not see that as a suicide, but would equate that to murder, victim of bullying. Essentially, that to me, would be considered murder committed by society's neglect, exploitation and abuse of a defensless homeless young person.

I was in and out of jail often, mostly for trespassing, loitering, panhandling, and other homeless related criminal charges. My previous experience in Chattanooga TN, from Part 1 of this article, was an experience similarly repeated on at least two or more other occassions during my life of homelessness.

During my time as a homeless transition-age-youth, I encountered services for youth and/or transition-age-youth very rarely, and when I did, the services were extremely limited. The only homeless services provided to 18-24 year old homeless that I encountered were those shelters and drop-in-centers designed to serve adults 35 and older. The majority of the people recieving these services were at least 35, but usually older, typically 45-55. Unfortunately, this reality for transition-age homeless, age 18-24 hasnt changed much, even now. Take Sacramento for example.

There are no transition age youth shelters in Sacramento. There is one 'youth' shelter for under 18, your typical Salvation Army and other existing shelters that have been here for years, overpopulated and understaffed, and virtually no transition age youth shelters for the 18-24 year old homeless population.

These homeless age 18-25 are the ones who have and continue to flood the Salvation Army and other shelters including Safe Ground, 10 years later at age 28-35, when they are still homeless, largely in part due to the extreme lack of services for the 18-24 year old homeless population.

After about 7 years of chronic homelessness, eating out of dumpsters, strung out on heroin and other drugs, in and out of jails and institutions, etc, I was driven into the system by the courts. I was put on formal probation, subject to random drug testing, and required to have court slips signed by group facilitators, etc. Because of this, I got myself into the Salvation Army shelter, and submitted to these requirements.

From the Salvation Army, I moved into a 'transitional living progam', which was a 5 bedroom house with 2 people to a bedroom. I was 27 at the time. All of the men that lived in the house were 50 and older. I had abstained from drugs and alcohol to comply with my probation, and was determined to stay out of jail. When I moved into the house, I realized all the guys living at the house were smoking pot, drinking, and using other hard drugs regularly and openly. They smoked joints on the front porch every morning, smoked pot in the house throughout the day, drank, and lived very drug oriented lifestyles consistently. During the superbowl, they passed a mirror with lines of crystal meth around the living room. They were all very segragative with me, as I didnt do drugs or drink, and they treated me very abusively.

Continue to part 3