Real Relationships: Taking sides

I recently had a question posed to me about "taking sides" after two friends break up. Whom do you give allegiance to? Whoever you have known longer? Whoever wasn’t responsible for the breakup? Whoever you have more friends in common with?

Some of my best friends have come from a male friend’s new relationship. I appreciate it when these relationships last, because then I don’t have to choose sides. If the unthinkable happens and they do break up, I have to ask myself these questions:

1. Was I good friends with one of them before they started dating? If so, I have to take into consideration my history with that person.

2. Is one of them really good friends with my husband? I know this question seems petty and shallow, but let’s be honest, the longer you are married, the more important it becomes that all your friends be liked by your spouse.

3. Can our friendship stand on its own two "single" status feet? Often I have found myself good friends with a girl because we do so much as "couples," but after a breakup I realize I would never hang out with her alone. If we can’t hang out alone, then you’re probably not one of my best friends.

and finally…

4. Whose company do I enjoy more? Despite every question I have already answered, it boils down to companionship.

So. If you have asked and answered all these questions, but are still torn between the two, then I suggest you play both sides of the field for a while. More than likely, you’ll soon learn who is your true friend, who is just playing you, or that you were never really friends in the first place. In some situations, you might actually determine that you can be friends with both of them.

Good luck and happy friend choosing!

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July 30, 2012 | 1:31 PM

Good edition, Janna!

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